During the Commercial Taken
by Virginia1
Summary: Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder
1. Default Chapter

During the Commercial - Taken

Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

As Elliot entered the squadroom he glanced around but saw nothing of his partner. The Captain's office door was closed and the blinds were pulled. He wondered again why Cragen had needed her. They had put a name to the face on the video and Munch was tracking down an address now. Then they could go pick up the suspect, at least if he could find Olivia first.

The door to Cragen's office opened and a beat cop came out and quietly closed the door behind him. As Elliot met his eyes the first twinge of apprehension ran up his spine. Because, while he did not recognize the man, he did know the look on his face. It was the look you carried after you had just ripped someone's life apart. And Olivia was still nowhere to be seen. Galvanized by the need to find her, he strode quickly to Cragen's door. Taking what he hoped was a calming breath, he knocked quietly.

"Who is it?" Cragen asked.

"Elliot, Captain."

Inside the office Cragen looked at a now-seated Benson. At her brief nod he walked to the door and opened it. Elliot's gaze went immediately to Olivia and upon noticing her posture, not to mention her tightly clasped hands, he looked back at their boss, his heart squeezing at her pain. "Her mom," he mouthed silently, though he already knew the answer. The older man sadly nodded his head then stepped aside to allow the other to enter. He watched Stabler move to squat down in front of Olivia then turned to leave and give them some privacy. Elliot glanced toward the door at the sound of it closing then looked back at his partner. She had yet to meet his eyes, continuing to stare down at her hands clenched in her lap. This close he could see the few tear tracks on her face and he could tell that she was fighting for composure.

"Olivia?" His voice was as quiet and gentle as his hands as they came up to cover hers in her lap. After a moment she finally raised her head to meet his eyes. His heart broke at the grief in her brown eyes; eyes swimming in tears she would not let fall.

"She's gone, Elliot." The normally strong voice was barely more than a choked whisper.

"I know, Liv. I'm so sorry." The words felt so inadequate in the face of her loss. Moving to his knees, his hands released hers as he wrapped her in arms. For a moment she sat stiffly in his embrace, still battling to control her emotions. But then, choking back a sob, she sagged against him. Her hands came up to clench at his shirtfront and her head lowered to his shoulder. Elliot tightened his hold on her as he brought one hand to the back of her head. He could feel the tremors running through her and her breath against his neck. While one arm kept her tight to his chest, the other hand began to softly stroke her short hair and for a few minutes they remained that way. No words being spoken, just physical comfort being offered and received. And while theirs was not a relationship that usually included such things, these were nowhere near usual circumstances.

Finally, with a shuddering sigh, Olivia raised her head and once again met the concerned blue eyes now so close to her own. Elliot released her slowly, leaning back to be able to see her a better while still keeping one arm around her. His hand moved from the back of her head to cup her cheek, his thumb catching a single tear as it fell. Her hands in turn released their grip on his shirt to lay flat against his chest and for another moment she basked in the solace he was offering. Then she slowly turned her head, allowing her cheek to rest against his hand briefly before straightening again in her chair. He let her go and moved to pull the chair next to hers around in front of her. As he sat facing her he once again took her hands in his.

"Can you tell me what happened?" While he hated to ask the question, he knew his partner. She was going to need to talk about this. Maybe not right this moment but he wanted her to know he was there for whatever she needed, whenever she needed it. Her instincts as well as her history would have her wanting to pull inside and handle everything herself but sometimes you simply had to allow others to help. This was one of those times.

"She was drunk. She fell down a flight of subway stairs. There was nothing they could do." Three short sentences, flatly spoken. Yet a wealth of pain was behind them, both recent and garnered over a lifetime. Elliot knew that. He just did not know what he could do to alleviate any of it, at least not right then. It was probably not the time and definitely not the place. He squeezed her hands and tried at least for the moment to deal with the practicalities.

"Let me take you home," he urged gently.

"I can't. There's too much to do. I need to go to the morgue and identify…" Her voice broke but she bore down and after a slight pause continued, "her body. Then the arrangements..." Again her voice drifted off as the sheer magnitude of what she had to face hit her again.

"I'll go with you. Let me just tell Cragen…"

"No, Elliot, you can't." More than anything right then, short of this all turning out to just be a bad dream, Olivia would have loved to be able to lean on her partner. To let him simply take her home where she could curl up in the dark and hide from all of this. But that just was not possible. There were too many details to see to, decisions to make. And she had already broken down in front of him more than she ever had before, not to mention Cragen. If she leaned right then she was afraid she would break completely, and that she would not allow. She had to do this on her own.

"Liv, I'm not going to let you go through this alone. I'm your friend as well as your partner and I want to help you." Over the years they had been teamed together he had both admired and been exasperated by her stubborn independence, and never more than at a time such as this. He knew it was wrong to blame the dead but he was just as certain that much of this need to do things alone stemmed from the way she had been raised. Olivia had learned at an early age to depend on herself first, due to her mother's alcoholism and the circumstances of her own conception. And habits of a lifetime were hard to break. But it hurt him to see her like this and he simply could not stand to see someone he cared for in so much pain and not try to do something to help.

"I know, El, but I need to do this on my own. Please try to understand. Besides, you have a job to do here."

"Munch and Fin can handle the case for now. This is more important." He hated to push her but not as much as he hated the idea of her going through the next few steps without any support.

"Elliot, please." Her voice had again lowered to just above a whisper. Damn his Irish stubbornness. She could barely meet his eyes for the concern she knew was there was already weakening her control. She knew he cared and only wanted to help, but the only way she was going to be able to do what needed to be done next was if she locked everything away. And she couldn't do that if he was there. "Please."

His hands tightened on hers as he reluctantly acceded to her wishes. At least for the moment. But just because he couldn't be there didn't mean she had to be totally alone.

"Do you know where you have to go?"

"Cragen said she was taken to the morgue. Warner should have her."

"OK." Elliot pulled out his cell phone, all the while leaving one hand holding hers. He quickly punched in a number and had to wait only a second before the call was answered. "Doctor Warner please, Elliot Stabler calling…Doc, it's Elliot."

"El..." Olivia tried to cut him off, or at least figure out what he was up to but he briefly shook his head as he listened to the M.E. on the other end. Obviously she knew what had happened from the few words Elliot offered in response.

"Yes, she's here...as you would expect...identify...no I won't...wants to do it alone...thanks Doc."

Ending the call he tucked the phone back in his pocket then took both of her hands in his again. "She'll be waiting for you. She'll take you in, answer any of your questions, and help you begin with the decisions. Whatever you need."

"Elliot that's not necessary. I've done this before with victims..."

"Olivia, this isn't you helping a victim. This is your mother. You said you don't want me to go with you and I accept that. But I am not going to let you do this alone. Warner cares too." The entire time he was talking he kept his eyes on hers. He saw them well up with tears, and her blink them back. "Liv?"

"OK." Her reply was soft but she wasn't fighting him anymore.

"If you change your mind..."

"I know." She pulled one of her hands from his grasp to briefly lay it flat against his chest. "Thank you, Elliot."

He leaned forward and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

As he sat back so did she. She gathered her courage and then took a deep breath. "I guess I should go."

"I'll walk you out." He stood and pulled her to her feet. He then released her hands to once again draw her to him. As his arms circled her she allowed herself another moment of weakness and put her arms around him as well. For a few moments they stood in each other's embrace. Olivia tried to draw from his strength but then forced herself to step away. Scrubbing her face with both hands she looked toward the door.

"I wonder how many people are out there?"

Elliot moved to the door and peered through the blinds. "Right now, just Fin."

"I'll need to get my things."

"I'll do that." Without waiting for her response he quickly opened the door and went into the squadroom, closing the door firmly behind him. Fin looked up as he entered and from his expression it was obvious that Cragen had already begun to pass the word.

"How's she doing?"

Elliot just shook his head. He would explain some things later. Right now his first concern was helping Olivia leave with as minimum a fuss as possible. He quickly and quietly asked Fin if he could step out and try to keep others away for a few minutes. Fin nodded and left as Elliot gathered Olivia's bag and coat, checking to ensure that her keys, phone, and other personal items were all there. He then went back into the captain's office. As he quietly opened the door he saw Olivia standing at the one-way mirror into the interrogation room. No one was using it at the moment, she just seemed lost in thought. Or simply lost.

"Olivia."

She turned and squared her shoulders. Walking to him, she took her things and stepped into the outer room. He followed close behind her, one hand at her back as she went through the room and out to the elevator. They were both silent as they waited for the doors to open. As she stepped inside he stopped her one more time,

"You'll call me?"

"Yes."

The doors closed between them. Elliot stared at them for a moment, offered a silent prayer, then turned and walked back into the squadroom.


	2. Chapter 2

During the Commercial - Taken Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder 

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

Olivia sat in her parked car, her hands loosely draped over the steering wheel, her head bowed. She could not remember a time she had felt so drained. A day that had started in such a typical fashion had become one of the worst she had ever experienced. Her mother, her only known family, was gone. A tortured woman's life ended with a drunken fall down a set of stairs. And Elliot had been right. It didn't matter how many families of victims she had helped through some of the first steps after a loss; nothing could have fully prepared her for what she had had to do today.

Melinda had been a godsend, her innate professionalism layered with a friend's true concern. She had personally taken Olivia into the room and stood with her as the sheet was lowered. It was her hand that Olivia had grasped without even realizing it. The M.E. had then taken her into her office to talk through what needed to happen next and her initial findings of the cause of death. She had given her the name of a mortuary that would help take care of everything since neither Olivia nor her mother practiced any particular religion. And she offered her own condolences and any other assistance that could be useful.

Olivia had then gone on to the mortuary and spoken with the funeral director there, an older gentleman named Thomas Mallory. He also had been very kind. He had taken down the necessary information and promised to call Dr. Warner as soon as they finished. He explained some different service options and asked about what time frame Olivia wanted and how many guests to expect. They settled on times for the services but he assured her that she did not have to decide everything right then, the next day would be soon enough for the rest. She thanked him for his time and made her escape. But escape to where?

She had been driving around for a while. She couldn't seem to make herself go home and definitely did not want to face her mother's apartment yet. Thankfully her mother always carried her address book with her so Dr. Warner had given her it along with the other personal effects. With that she could make the calls she needed without having to go through her mother's things today. And while she knew she had people to notify she needed a little time first. So, she had just started driving. Now she found herself in Queens. More subconscious than deliberate, her winding travels had brought her to the Stabler's neighborhood. And while she didn't know what to make of that she wasn't going to dwell on it at the moment. She should get on with the next thing but maybe talking to Elliot a little would help her to settle down first.

Making her decision, she got out of the car and walked down the sidewalk and up the steps to the front door. She took a deep breath and rang the doorbell. And waited. When she did not hear the immediate running of children's feet, or any other kind of response, she looked around and noticed for the first time that neither Elliot's nor Kathy's car was anywhere to be seen. Resigned, she lowered her head and turned to make her way back to her car.

Kathy Stabler opened the door to see her husband's partner walking away from the house. Surprise quickly turned to trepidation. Every cop's family lived with the possibility that one day another officer would come to the door and tell them their loved one wasn't coming home. And looking at Olivia's retreating figure that fear took hold. It wasn't so much Olivia's presence itself. Over the years she had been a frequent guest for dinner and family celebrations. But the Olivia she was used to was a confident woman who always walked with strength and purpose. And the woman in front of her didn't appear confident, her gait was slow and her head lowered. Kathy's first thought was that she looked sad and it was that sadness that scared her.

"Olivia," she called, stepping out onto the porch.

At the sound of her name Olivia stopped and turned around. Seeing her partner's wife she walked back toward the house, stopping at the bottom of the stairs. "Kathy, hi. I'm sorry to drop by without calling first but I wondered if Elliot was home yet?"

Relaxing, Kathy responded, "No, not yet. He had that father/son thing at Dickie's school today."

"I'm sorry, I forgot. He's been looking forward to that for weeks. Just tell him I stopped by, OK?" And she started to turn back to the street again.

Now that she knew that Elliot was unhurt, Kathy's concern turned to Olivia herself. Something was definitely wrong. "Olivia, wait. Is everything alright?"

The other woman stopped but did not turn around, nor did she answer.

"Olivia, what's wrong?"

"You haven't spoken with Elliot today, have you?" Olivia turned back around to meet Kathy's curious and concerned eyes.

"No, not since early this morning, why?"

"My mother died today."

As it had been earlier with Elliot, her voice was flat, but her eyes were not. In them her grief was clear. And it was her eyes that had Kathy moving instinctively forward. With a mother's heart, she reached out to the grief-stricken child before her. Taking the last few steps she came to Olivia's side and put an arm around her shoulders. "Olivia, I'm so sorry. Here, let's go inside."

Together they walked back up the stairs and entered the house. The unusual quiet had Olivia looking around the room. "The girls aren't home either?"

"No, it's a rare thing but we have the house to ourselves, at least for the moment. My busy children all had after-school activities today and Maureen is playing chauffeur. One of the few benefits in having a teenage driver. Sit down. Can I get you anything, water? Or I was just going to enjoy a cup of tea before the madness descends again?" She knew she was chattering but she was hoping the ordinary conversation, and the distraction of activity, would give Olivia a few moments to relax.

"Tea would be fine, thanks."

Olivia sat down at the table as Kathy got out cups, a selection of tea bags, and the kettle that had already been heating on the stove. She joined her at the table and for a minute they busied themselves with their tea. Kathy watched as Olivia stared into the cup and aimlessly swirled the tea bag. Putting down her spoon, the blond woman reached over and covered one of the hands with her own. "Do you want to talk about it? I know I'm not Elliot but I am your friend too."

Maybe it was the fact that Kathy was a woman, and a mother. Or maybe she needed someone right then who could be objective. But something had Olivia thinking that maybe it would be all right to talk to her, at least a little. And she had suddenly realized how much she needed to do just that.

"I don't know what Elliot has told you about my relationship with my mother, our history?"

"You know Elliot would never break the trust you put in him. And don't feel that you have to tell me anything that makes you uncomfortable right now. All El has ever said is that things were strained between you."

"Strained. Well I guess that's one way to put it. My mother was an alcoholic and today she stumbled out of a bar and fell down some stairs. Her drinking killed her. I guess I should just be glad she didn't kill anyone else."

Kathy could hear the bitterness as well as the pain in her voice. The alcoholism would definitely have caused issues over the years but in her heart she had a feeling it was more than that. But now was not the time to push.

"Maybe everyone feels it when someone in his or her life dies," Olivia continued half to herself, wondering out loud. "The things left unsaid, the actions not taken."

"I think regret is often a part of grief. You know my father died a few years ago?" At the other woman's nod she went on, "things were tense between us for quite some time. He was angry with both Elliot and me for getting pregnant so young. And I felt for years that I disappointed him. He came around eventually and he doted on the kids, but I will always regret the years we wasted."

"But how do you get past it? How do you live with the lost opportunities and the harsh words you can't take back anymore?"

Kathy didn't have a chance to respond. Before she could even begin to search for the words they heard the sound of car doors slamming, followed immediately by running feet. The kitchen door burst open as the three Stabler girls came into the house. A giggling Elizabeth was first, followed closely by her older sisters who seemed to be disagreeing about something.

"Mommy! Guess what I did today?"

"Maureen, please let me borrow it."

"No, I haven't even worn it yet. Mom, tell Kathleen to stay out of my stuff. Hi, Olivia."

Olivia watched the scene in front of her. Elizabeth had given her mother a big hug, tossed a happy hello to Olivia, and launched into an excited tale about her day's adventures. Kathy encouraged her with questions as she also played a quick referee in the clothes battle, all the while playing with the ends of her youngest child's braid. Once their dispute had been mediated the other girls also joined in the conversation, adding their own accounts of the day complete with teenage dramas.

She closed her eyes as a wave of pain struck her. This is what she missed, what she had always missed. Deep down she knew her mother had loved her but they had never had the easy affection that was so evident in Kathy's relationship with her girls. Serena Benson had made a difficult decision after a great personal tragedy and then spent much of the rest of her life running from it, and her child. Olivia had struggled for years to please her, to win her attention. She had had to face the alcoholism and its effects as well as the feelings of inadequacy. And while she had hated her mother at times, she had loved her always. And now that she was gone, the daughter she left behind felt more alone than she ever had before. Tears sprung to her eyes and her first thought was of flight. Coming had been a bad idea. Kathy had been very kind but there was no way she could sit here in the midst of this happy family. It was everything she had always wanted and never had. And never could have. She couldn't bring her mother back. She couldn't change the life they had had together. All she could do at this moment was leave, before the pain overwhelmed her.

She surged to her feet, the action stopping all other conversations. All eyes turned to her in question. "I have to go. Good to see you, girls. Kathy, thanks. Tell Elliot I'll talk to him later." The words poured out, stumbling over each other in her haste.

"Girls, why don't you go upstairs, put your things away, and start on your homework. Dinner will be ready soon."

The girls looked at Olivia in puzzlement but at their mother's nod slowly left the room.

"Liv, why don't you stay for dinner? We'd love to have you and Elliot and Dickie should be home soon."

"I can't. There are things I have to do. I can't. It's just. .too...hard."

Kathy almost couldn't make out the last few words; they were spoken so softly. But when she did the sympathetic understanding was immediate. Of course a family dinner would be difficult for someone who had just lost the only family she had. But she hated for Olivia to leave when she was obviously so upset. "Can we do anything?"

"No...maybe...I just don't know. Maybe later."

Kathy took a step closer and gave her a brief hug then stepped back and, keeping her hands on Olivia's upper arms, said, "I want you to call us if you need anything, even if you just want to talk." Kathy wasn't optimistic that her offer would be accepted but felt compelled to make it anyway.

"Sure. I gotta go. Thanks." And with that she hurried from the house. Kathy watched her go, and cried a few tears herself for a friend who still couldn't shed her own.


	3. Chapter 3

During the Commercial - Taken Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder 

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

About half an hour after Olivia left, Kathy was making dinner when the male members of her family came home. The door slammed back against the wall as Dickie charged into the house, tossing down all the gear a young boy considers vital as he headed directly for the fridge. His father followed at a more reasonable pace, putting his things down on the counter as he crossed to kiss her hello. She returned the kiss with a smile before directing her attention to their foraging offspring.

"Dickie, don't leave your stuff there and close the refrigerator. You're going to spoil your dinner. Hi there."

"Hi yourself, how was your day?" Elliot's attention was drawn to the stairs as all three girls came down at the sound of the new arrivals. He opened his arms as his youngest daughter streaked toward him, hoisting her up in the air as she squealed in delight. He grinned at the older two, but their hellos were quick before they turned their attention back to their mother.

"You couldn't talk Olivia into staying?" Maureen was curious as to what had upset her father's usually unflappable partner.

"Olivia was here?" he asked. He was surprised that she had come and disappointed she had left before he got a chance to talk to her again. He had tried to call her during the day but had just gotten her voicemail.

"Yeah and she looked like she wanted to cry," Kathleen answered. "Why was she so sad, Mom?"

Elliot and Kathy exchanged a sympathetic look before turning back to their children, all of whom were looking at them with questioning eyes.

"Let's sit down guys," Elliot said as he pulled out a chair and waited for his family to all get seated. "Olivia had some very bad news today. Her mom was in an accident."

"Is she going to be OK?"

"No, Dickie," Kathy answered quietly. Olivia's mom was hurt very badly, and the doctors tried but they couldn't help her. She died. Do you understand what that means?" The last question was directed to their youngest children.

"She went to live in Heaven with God and our grandpas and Great Aunt Helen, right? But Heaven is supposed to be a nice place, why would that make Olivia sad?" Elizabeth looked sad herself, and a little confused.

Her oldest sister took that question. "Because Olivia won't be able to see her anymore and she misses her."

Elizabeth got up from her chair and went to her father. "Tell Olivia I'm sorry about her mommy, OK?"

Elliot gave his daughter a hug then picked her up to settle her in his lap. "Of course I will, sweetheart."

"When's the funeral?" Kathleen asked. "We're all going right?"

"I don't know when it is, honey. And Olivia might..."

"Dad we have to go. That's what families do." She looked at her sisters and brother who nodded in agreement before they all turned their eyes back on their parents. Kathy and Elliot shared another look, their pride in their children obvious. Elliot raised an eyebrow in question, which Kathy answered with a teary smile and small nod before she addressed the kids, "you're right, Kathleen. That is what families do. Daddy will talk to Olivia and find out when the funeral is and then we will all go show her how much we care about her. OK?"

Elliot pressed a kiss to the top of Elizabeth's head and with a final hug set her back down on the floor and rose to his feet. As everyone stood up Elliot gathered both Kathleen and Maureen in for a triple bear hug as Elizabeth ran to her mother, who opened the arms already surrounding Dickie to draw in his twin as well. Both parents wanted to make sure that the children, while sad for Olivia, were not scared and knew they could come to them with any questions. After offering each other comfort and reassurance the family moved to finish the final preparations for dinner.

Dinner topics ranged from school-day adventures to a few more questions about Olivia and her mother. After they finished eating Elizabeth and Kathleen were responsible for cleaning up the table and loading the dishwasher while Maureen headed upstairs to study for an upcoming test. Dickie remained at the table, teasing his sisters, until his father put a stop to it.

"Dickie, didn't you tell me you had math homework to do?"

"Yeah Dad, but not much. Can't I watch…"

"You know the rule, homework first, then TV. Why don't you go get it and we'll take a look at it together."

A little later in the evening, Kathy came out of Maureen's room where she had been quizzing her for her exam. Checking on her other daughters, she spent a couple minutes getting the gigglers refocused on their own studies before heading downstairs. There she found her husband and son together at the kitchen table, their heads close together as they worked on one of the problems in Dickie's math book. She saw Elliot look up and check the clock on the wall briefly before Dickie reclaimed his attention. Coming into the kitchen, she grabbed the portable phone as she crossed to her guys.

"Call her," she said as she handed Elliot the phone.

"I will. After Dickie and I finish."

"Oh I think the math wizard and I can handle this. She's a friend who needs you more right now, and I know you want to talk to her."

He looked at his son who nodded as well. Rising from the table he ruffled Dickie's hair and gave Kathy a kiss before he stepped outside. In such a busy house he had learned long ago that the front porch was about as private as he was going to be able to get. Sitting down on the top step he dialed his partner's number.

"Hello?"

"Olivia, it's me."

In her darkened apartment Olivia sat down on her couch with a sigh. She had cried a little on her drive home from the Stabler house, then she brought her emotions back under control as she made the first round of phone calls notifying her mother's friends and business associates as well as a few of her own. Thankfully most of the calls were brief – quick condolences and expected offers of assistance. She was able to accept the first and deflect the second all while maintaining her composure. Some people had promised to call others with the news so she was finally done with everything she was going to be able to do today. For the last little while she had just been wandering around her apartment because she couldn't seem to stay in one place or on one activity for any length of time. She didn't want to be around people but suddenly didn't want to be alone either. And then, like an answer to an unspoken wish, there was Elliot. She could curl up on her couch in the safety and privacy of her own home, while on the other end of the phone line was the person who knew her best.

"Elliot, hi."

"How are you doing? I'm sorry. That's a stupid question."

"I'm doing OK, El."

"Kathy said you came by. I wish you had stayed a while longer."

"I couldn't. I had calls to make and things…I just couldn't."

"It's OK, Liv, I understand." And he truly did, much as Kathy had earlier. "Have you got everything under control? Can I do anything?" Knowing the answer couldn't stop him from asking the question. And maybe she would surprise him.

"I called friends and her boss. They'll pass the word. And I went to the funeral home; Melinda recommended a good one. Melinda was…thanks for calling her."

"You don't need to thank me, Olivia. I would have gone with you but…"

"I know and thanks for that too." She knew her partner and knew how hard it had been for him to step aside. It was just not in Elliot Stabler's nature not to try and help when someone he cared about was hurting. But he had done it for her, because she asked him to. She felt the tears welling up again, and again she fought them back. Maybe talking about work would help her emotions steady.

"Did you pick up Ramsey?"

"Yeah, we got him. Siobhan is coming in tomorrow afternoon for the lineup."

"That's good." Her voice dropped off, she couldn't seem to focus on work after all.

"Liv?"

"I'm here, Elliot."

"You're going to take some time off, right?"

"Yeah, there are still some arrangements I need to take care of."

"Have you set a time for the service?"

"We did that today. There will be a visitation tomorrow night at 7 and then a small graveside service and the…burial the day after starting at 11."

"Where, at the funeral home? Which one?"

"Mallory and Sons. But Elliot you don't have to…"

"Don't even try it, Olivia. Of course I'm coming. In fact the entire Stabler family will be there."

"Elliot, there's no need for the kids and Kathy to come."

"Yes, Olivia, there is. As my bright and beautiful second child said tonight, it's what families do."

That did it. The tenuous hold she had been keeping on her emotions broke and she couldn't stop the tears from falling anymore. She couldn't even speak, when she opened her mouth to try the only sound that escaped was a low sob. A sob that Elliot heard. In that moment he wished they weren't miles apart so he could give her the comfort she so desperately needed in person.

"Olivia…Liv?"

"Kathleen said that?" she finally managed a choked whisper.

"Yes, she did. And Elizabeth wanted me to tell you how sorry she is. So plan on all the Stablers being there, all right?"

"All right, El." She couldn't stop the tears this time; they coursed silently down her face.

"Olivia, do you want me to come over there?"

"No Elliot, you should stay with Kathy and the kids."

"Kathy can come over herself if that would be better. She's concerned about you too."

"I know, but I'll be fine." With one hand she wiped the tears from her cheeks. "Really, you guys should be home."

"OK, but only if you promise to call if you need anything, even if you just want to talk."

"I promise."

"Then I'll talk to you tomorrow. Sleep well, partner."

"Good night, Elliot."

Elliot hung up the phone and ran both hands over his face before dropping them to his lap. He stared out into the darkness lost in thought until he heard his front door open. He looked up and smiled sadly at Kathy as she settled next to him on the step.

"How's she doing?'

"She sounds so lost. Over the years we've seen a lot of horrible things but I have never heard her like this, never seen her break down like she did earlier today. This is her mother, Kath. The only family she had is gone. And she won't let me, us, do anything to help her."

"Olivia is a strong, independent woman, Elliot. You know that better than anyone. She'll be OK, we'll make sure of that. Whether she wants us to or not."

Kathy liked Olivia; she admired her dedication and her compassion. She thought of her as a friend and was thankful her husband had a good person watching his back through the dangers of their job. True, there were times that she was jealous of the bond the two had. She trusted them both implicitly but she knew they shared something that was very strong and very exclusive and that did bother her. Part of her could understand Elliot's need to shield his family from the horrors he witnessed every day. But there was another part of her that hated the fact that there were areas of her husband's life in which she had no place, and Olivia did. She wished Elliot would talk to her more, and if she was honest with herself that also meant talking to Olivia less. Unfortunately it was something they seemed to be arguing about on a more frequent basis lately. She simply wanted her husband to include her and their family more and was envious sometimes of the relationship he had with another woman. She didn't think the envy was wrong and at that moment there was no envy at all, only sympathetic grief. As she sat there on the front step of her home, her children safe inside and her husband's arm around her she knew how lucky she was and all she felt was sadness for a friend who grieved alone.

Elliot smiled slightly and tightened his hold on her for a moment before he stood and held out his hands to help her to her feet. "You're right, we will. But for now I think we'd better check to see how our children are doing before they think we've run off and left them in control of the house." Together they walked inside.

Miles away in her apartment, Olivia remained on her couch. The tears had finally subsided but they had left her completely drained. Not even able to find the energy to move to her bedroom, she simply pulled a blanket from the back of the sofa and spread it over herself. Curling up as tight as she could she stared out into the darkness and whispered, "Good night, Mom."


	4. Chapter 4

During the Commercial - Taken Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder 

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

The next evening Olivia sat quietly in the viewing room at the funeral home. While the day before had been one of the longest and most difficult of her life, today was running a close second. The sleepless night on her couch hadn't helped much. She had begun the day on the phone, first with the newspaper for the obituary and then the florist. And then she had had to go to her mother's apartment to pick out clothes and accessories to take to the funeral home. While in the apartment she also grabbed a few of her mother's papers and favorite things that might be necessary but got out of there as quickly as she could. She knew the day was coming where she would have to go through all her things but today wasn't that day.

At the funeral home she had finalized the arrangements with Mr. Mallory for the services regarding the readings and music and then there were more documents to sign. The funeral home would handle everything with the cemetery but her authorization was of course required for both the plot and the headstone.

Leaving everything in Mallory's capable hands, she had then headed into work. She knew she would get flack from both Cragen and Elliot but she had to do it. She wanted to be there for Siobhan when she came in for the lineup and she also needed to get her mind on other things for a while. Elliot had first been surprised to see her, then frustrated, and finally resigned. He knew her so well; he knew she needed to keep busy right now. She had talked briefly with Munch and Fin, both of them offering her their condolences and support. And then silently thanked Elliot when he quietly swung the topic back to the case and gave her a chance to compose herself again.

For the next few hours she kept active, trying not to let her mind dwell on her mother, with only a little success. But eventually it was time to leave. She had a few last minute things to do before going to the funeral home again. She had gone to the crib to change into a simple black dress and when she came out Elliot had been the only one in the office. Thankfully he had not asked her how she was doing; he had been hearing everyone else ask her that all day. He simply walked her to her car and told her he would see her later at the service. She would have to try and tell him sometime how much his quiet strength had supported her today. She had felt his eyes on her often though whenever she met his gaze he simply gave her a small smile, other times it was just a brief touch of his hand in passing. He hadn't scolded her for coming in and had helped distract others from focusing too much attention on her. Her partner always had her back.

She had tried to pick up some food on the way but tossed it out after the first few bites. Her stomach just couldn't handle it as she was dreading the evening ahead. And there was still tomorrow to face. Arriving at the funeral home she had been shown into the room where her mother lay. She hated the instant fear that had gripped her at the thought of walking up to her mother in the casket. To give herself a minute she sat down in a chair in the first row and tried to look anywhere else. The numerous floral arrangements in the room touched her. She made a mental note to ask Mr. Mallory for the attached cards and for the flowers to be taken to a nearby retirement community. He had already shown her the guestbook and other sympathy cards that people had left. The outpouring of support humbled her. So, for the moment she was just taking a few minutes to gather her composure and strength before people started to arrive. Tipping her head back, she closed her eyes and focused simply on her breathing.

After a while she heard the outside door open and voices in the foyer. Taking a deep breath she opened her eyes and turned to the room's entrance . Her eyes filled at the sight of the entire Stabler family standing there in their Sunday best. Kathy was in front, a twin holding each hand, with Maureen and Kathleen just behind them and Elliot bringing up the rear.

Olivia rose to meet them as they moved further into the room. Kathy released the twins to gather her in for a hard hug, whispering as she did, "are you doing OK?"

"Well enough I guess. Thanks for being here."

"We wouldn't be anywhere else."

The women separated and Olivia turned to the rest of the family. "Thank you all for coming." The older girls moved forward at the same time and she embraced them together, burying her face in their hair for a moment. Releasing them she squeezed both of their hands before turning to their unusually subdued siblings. Dickie and Elizabeth had moved to stand closer to their father, the somberness of the occasion making them nervous.

"Hi kids."

Dickie was the first to respond with a shy, "Hi, Olivia."

"Olivia?"

"Yes, Elizabeth."

"I'm sorry about your mommy."

Olivia blinked back more tears as she crouched down to meet Elizabeth's eyes. "Thank you, honey. Do you know, I think a hug would help me a lot right now."

Both kids looked up at Elliot who smiled and nodded before they turned back to Olivia and moved into her waiting arms. "Is that better?"

"Yes, it is, thank you."

As the twins stepped back Olivia rose and found herself face to face with Elliot who immediately gave her a brief hug. "Whatever you need," he said quietly. She nodded into his shoulder and held on a bit tighter for a moment before taking a step away.

"Olivia?"

She looked away from Elliot and took a step toward the funeral director who had come into the room from his office. "Yes, Mr. Mallory?"

"I'm sorry to interrupt. Did you still wish the casket to be closed for the service?"

She nodded. "Is it time?"

"In a few minutes, yes."

"Thank you." As he left them alone she turned again to Kathy and Elliot, the lost look in her eyes saddening both of them.

"We'll give you a moment." Kathy walked to the casket and reached in to cover the crossed hands with her own. She bowed her head and said a brief prayer before making the sign of the cross. Turning around she wiped her eyes and then ushered her two younger children out of the room.

Maureen and Kathleen each went up to also offer a quick prayer before they followed their mother.

Then it was Elliot's turn. Moving to the coffin, he looked down at the face of the woman who had had such a difficult life. She had dealt with her demons the only way she knew how and he couldn't sit in judgement of that. She had made mistakes but she had also given life to a little girl who grew up to be an amazing woman. "Thank you for your daughter, Serena. Be at peace."

He turned around and started to leave the room, touching Olivia's shoulder as he passed. He stopped however as her hand came up to clench his.

"Elliot? Will you stay?"

"Of course."

Olivia released his hand to move over to the casket. Looking down at her mother's face she was swamped by a lifetime of emotion. Stroking one hand over her mother's hair she placed the other on her arm. Their times together, good and bad, flashed through her mind as she stood there for a few minutes. Finally she leaned over to press a kiss to her forehead. "I love you Mom, and thank you. Sleep well."

She couldn't stop a few tears as she straightened and turned away from the coffin. Without thinking, she walked directly to Elliot who met her with open arms. He held her for a moment before moving slightly away to take a handkerchief from his coat pocket. She took it from him just as Mr. Mallory entered the room again.

"Are you ready?" he asked gently.

She turned to him and nodded, wiping her eyes as she did. Standing there with Elliot beside her, she watched as Mallory and another man moved some of flowers. Then she closed her eyes as they reverently closed the lid, not wanting to watch as her mother's body was shut away. She felt Elliot take her hand and gripped his in both of hers. When she opened her eyes the casket was closed and the men were moving the flowers back and setting out the picture of Serena that she had given them earlier. As they finished the other man left the room but Mr. Mallory came over to where she and Elliot were standing.

"Olivia, there is one other thing that we have not discussed. Tomorrow morning, do you have anyone in mind to serve as pallbearers? The usual number is six and we have staff here that can stand in, but if you wanted particular friends or family…"

Elliot was incredibly touched when her eyes immediately rose to his. "I'd be honored, Liv."

"Thank you. Thomas Mallory, this is my partner Elliot Stabler." As the two men shook hands she continued, "do you think Munch, Fin, or Cragen…I don't know if they are going to come but…"

"I know they are all coming tonight but that Cragen at least has ComStat in the morning. Do you want me to ask them?"

She nodded and turned back to the other man. "Can I let you know a little later?"

"Certainly." And with that he left them alone.

Olivia finally became aware of the growing volume in the outer room. As she looked to the doorway she saw Kathy talking with Munch and Fin. Kathy looked up as Mallory passed her and met Olivia's eyes. "Are you ready?" she mouthed silently. Olivia nodded in response, mouthing thank you in gratitude for Kathy's efforts in keeping the others outside and allowing these last few minutes of private grief. She saw Kathy say something to the guys who immediately turned around and headed towards her.

Elliot met them halfway and she knew he was asking them about the next morning. They both nodded immediately before Elliot let them pass and went on out to talk to Kathy. The partners each gave her a quick hug and assured her that they would be there tomorrow and for whatever else she needed. After them came Cragen, then her mother's boss, Alex, and then other friends and colleagues of both the Benson women. Some of them she knew Serena had lost touch with, or to be honest, driven away with her drinking. But still they had come, to support one and to say good-bye to the other.

For a little while Olivia mingled through the crowd, making sure she talked to everyone who had come. Both tears and laughter were shed as memories were shared. She talked with Cragen who expressed his thanks for being asked but also his regret that he would be unable to attend the graveside service. He also told her to take as much time off as she needed. And she talked with a long-time gentleman neighbor of her mom's who agreed to stand with the others as a pallbearer. She pointed him out to Elliot and soon saw all four men talking with the funeral director.

The service began shortly thereafter. Mr. Mallory began it with a welcome and a request to take their seats. Olivia sat in the first row with Elliot and Kathy beside her and the twins beside Kathy. Kathleen and Maureen were in the next row with Cragen, Munch, and Fin. After everyone was seated he played a song that had been one of Serena's favorites. One of her friends read a passage from one a favorite book and then a few shared some special memories. Finally Olivia stood up and turned to face them.

"First, I want to thank each of you for coming. Your presence here tonight means a great deal to me as I know your presence in her life meant a great deal to my mother, whether she ever told you so or not. My mother did not have an easy life, though that is a statement that can be made by many. She made difficult choices, some good, and some bad. Many in this room can attest to the demons that she battled. But hopefully from her life we can all learn something. To not let our demons get the best of us, to work hard at what we do, and to show the people around us how much we value them. That is her legacy to us. Thank you."

Another song brought the service to a close. Afterwards Olivia again moved through the room, saying goodnight and individual thank yous. As the crowd dwindled the Stablers were the last to leave. She smiled as she approached them. Kathleen and Maureen were teasing their brother about something while a sleepy Elizabeth leaned against her father. Elliot and Kathy were holding hands as they talked and as she got closer Kathy reached her other hand out to Olivia. "It was beautiful service, Olivia."

"Yes, it was, thanks. And thank you guys again for being here."

"How are you really doing, Liv?" Elliot asked quietly.

"Good moments, bad moments, you know."

"Yeah, I do." He and Kathy exchanged a look. "Will you let me do something for you tonight?"

"Elliot, I'll be fine."

"I know you will, we just don't want you to be alone right now. We understand if you don't want to come to our place. But will you let me stay at yours? We can talk if you want, or not. We can just watch TV. I'll sleep on the couch. Just don't be alone tonight, OK?

Olivia waged a brief internal debate. She still felt the need to stand on her own, the instinct was too ingrained to just be set aside. She was drained and if she felt like indulging in a good cry she would prefer not to have witnesses. But the idea of not having to face her empty apartment and another sleepless night on the couch was not a bad one. That, coupled with the concerned look in Elliot's eyes as well as her own tired and weakened resolve, swung the tide.

"OK," she said quietly.

Elliot was taken by surprise by such a quick agreement, he thought they would have to work on her a bit more if they got her to agree at all. But he was also relieved. Her eyes were dark with grief and exhaustion and he would bet she hadn't gotten much sleep last night. He didn't want to pressure her and had been trying not to force anything on her but still hated the thought of her going through so much alone. He had suggested the idea to Kathy earlier in the day and she had been fine with it. Time away from the family for the job was one thing; helping out a friend was something different. They were both concerned about Olivia.

It was Kathy who responded first. "Then let's get you home. Olivia, why don't you finish up whatever you need to with Mr. Mallory and Elliot can help me get the kids in the car."

Olivia and Elliot now exchanged a look. "I think we should do what she says, don't you?" he asked. She nodded with a small smile.

Elliot picked up his youngest daughter who promptly curled against him. Then he and Kathy shepherded the rest of the kids out the door. Olivia went to the office to say goodnight to Mr. Mallory and make sure everything was ready for the next day. He walked her out and shook hands with both her and Elliot who was waiting on the sidewalk with a suit and a duffel bag. As they walked to her car she pointed at his things. "Pretty sure of yourself aren't you?"

"Not sure, just hopeful. And it pays to be prepared."

"Yeah, you're a regular Boy Scout." Her comment lost any punch when it ended on a yawn.

"Alright, sleepyhead. As the lady said, let's get you home."

She smiled briefly at him as they got into her car and headed to her apartment.


	5. Chapter 5

During the Commercial - Taken Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder 

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

The drive back to her apartment was quiet, both partners lost in their own thoughts. Once inside Olivia locked the door behind them as Elliot hung his suit in her hall closet.

"Help yourself to a beer or anything, El. I'm just going to get comfortable."

First going into the bedroom area to grab a change of clothes she then went into the bathroom, closing the door behind her. Elliot took a beer from the fridge and went into the living room, taking a seat on the couch. He left the radio and the TV off for now, wanting Olivia to be able to set the tone. After a while he heard the bathroom door open. Turning around to look at her, he noticed that her eyes were sad but dry and at least she looked more comfortable in a pair of drawstring pants and an old T-shirt.

"Bathroom's all yours."

"Thanks," he said, rising and picking up his duffel before going in to change. Olivia poured herself a glass of wine before curling up in a corner of the couch. Reaching for the remote, she turned the television on low and then scanned the channels before finding an old Hepburn-Tracy movie. She smiled at that, her mother had been a big fan. It would be a good way just to wind down for a while. When Elliot came out of the bathroom, now more comfortable himself in sweatpants and a long-sleeved T-shirt, he stuck to his word about not pressing her and simply sat down at the other end of the couch.

"Good choice," he said, propping his stocking feet up on her coffee table.

"Yeah, Mom loved all these old movies. _Pat and Mike_ was one of her favorites."

They both settled in to watch the movie, comfortable with each other and receiving comfort from the other's presence. Occasionally there were comments regarding the movie but mostly they just let their minds wander and relax. Elliot would sneak glances at the woman beside him from time to time, just to check on her. And while she seemed alternately engrossed in the movie or lost in thought, in actuality she was often conscious of his concern and was touched rather than irritated by it and his lack of pressure. She knew he was hoping she would talk to him but was letting her take her time and decide for herself.

Finally the movie ended. As the credits rolled Elliot looked at Olivia again, this time surprised to find her already looking at him, her eyes wet. Picking up the remote he turned off the TV before reaching over and resting a hand on her foot, the part of her closest to him.

"What are you thinking about?"

"Yesterday, at your house, Kathy told me about her father and the regrets she has had since he died. And I asked her how she gets past it, all the things left unsaid or undone."

"What did she say?"

"She didn't get a chance, your girls came in. But…Mom was an alcoholic. I made my peace with that and the idea that it might kill her someday, I did. I just thought we would have more time, you know? Time to mend some fences, time to talk."

"What did you want to say to her?"

Olivia didn't know how to answer, or even if she wanted to yet. She had spent a lifetime holding some of this in, never trusting anyone enough to open up to them about her mother. And while she trusted Elliot with her life, she still felt uncomfortable about opening up to him like this. She didn't want him to see her as weak or pity her for her upbringing. But it was all churning in her so much at the moment she felt like she was going to break with the pressure of it all. And she wouldn't let herself break, but maybe bending a little would be enough.

"Liv?"

Her voice was soft as she finally answered him. "I don't know. She's never…she never liked me working for SVU. We fought about it so often and I could never get her to understand. She never got it that I…"

"That by being a cop and doing what you do you fix for others what couldn't be fixed for her?"

She looked up to meet her partner's eyes. She knew she had never really told him that in so many words but he understood in a way no one else could. The way her mother never had.

"She said it was wrong, that is wasn't good for me. She…" Her voice trailed off, curling her legs up under herself she dropped her head to stare at her hands twisted together in her lap.

Her pose struck a chord with Elliot, reminding him of how his children sometimes looked after getting in trouble. And he knew it went much deeper than just not liking the job. "She rejected you now as she had rejected you as a child."

"No," the denial was automatic and defensive. "My mother didn't reject me. She could have had an abortion or given me away. But she didn't. This was a bad idea. I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"Tell me what your childhood was like, Olivia," he asked quietly, his voice gentle. It was such a shrink-type question, which really wasn't his intent. But she had opened the door and he wanted her to get some of this pain out before she slammed it shut again. She was just as much a victim of her mother's rape as Serena herself had been. And as a victim she needed to get these feelings out where she could deal with them. They both knew that in the objective sense. It was just easier to tell that to others rather than taking the advice yourself.

"Leave it alone, El."

"Liv, talk to me."

Angrily she pushed off the couch and stalked across the room. "What do you want hear, Elliot? That my mother gave birth to me and then spent the rest of her sorry life regretting that decision? That every time she looked at me she saw her rapist? That nothing I did, no chores, no good grades, no awards, were good enough to keep her from turning to a bottle?

"Or did you want to hear about the times I had to put her to bed after she stumbled in after last call? Or the fact that I was too ashamed to ask anyone over after school because I didn't know what state she would be in when we got here? You met her coworkers tonight. Maybe you want to know about the sober times, when she threw herself into her job rather than be with me? The long hours, the business trips, bringing work home, anything to keep herself busy, with anything but me that is?

"Or that while I loved her, I did, sometimes I hated her too? Is that what you wanted Elliot? Is that what you wanted to hear?"

Her voice had risen as she threw each question at him, her eyes shooting fire before growing wet, a few tears finally spilling over to be dashed away by impatient hands. Now she stood before him fuming, her eyes wet and hot and her fists clenched.

Elliot felt terrible. He had pushed himself on her tonight with the understanding that it they would do whatever she wanted, no pressure. Instead he had both reduced her to tears and made her angry. Nice job Stabler! He honestly had just hoped that he could offer some comfort and that she might open up a little. He had known she and her mom had had issues but never did he imagine the full extent of pain she must have carried her entire life. And though right now she was pissed at him, soon she would also realize exactly what she had said and how much she had revealed and she would be mortified. The doors would come crashing back down. He had to make this better now.

Rising from the couch he stopped as she took a step back and turned away from him.

"Don't, Elliot," she mumbled.

"Liv, I'm sorry." She didn't turn around. Placing his hands on her shoulders he was relieved when she didn't shrug him away. She simply stood there, the tension radiating from her. So he tried again, turning her around to face him and taking her hands in his. "Olivia, I really am sorry. Please come sit down." She stood there stiffly for a moment before finally giving a small nod and letting him guide her over to the couch again. She sunk low into the cushions, sliding down until she could rest her head on the back of the sofa, her hands limp at her sides and her eyes closed. Elliot sat next to her, turned so he could face her and close enough to touch. Reaching one hand out he gently covered one of her hands with his.

"Liv, I didn't mean…"

"It was just never enough you know? I was just never enough." she spoke in barely a whisper. The tears had been fought back but the pain hadn't.

"Olivia, you don't have to…" He didn't want to push her anymore. He was surprised when she turned her hand over to grasp his though she kept her eyes closed.

"I think one of my earliest memories was trying to make her breakfast one Saturday morning. I don't even remember how old I was. I do remember I poured her a bowl of cereal and milk, spilling both all over the kitchen, and carried them in to give her breakfast in bed. But she was hung-over from the night before. I didn't understand that then, though I learned the signs soon enough. That morning all I knew was I tried to surprise her but she got mad instead. She was furious that I woke her up and even more so once she saw the kitchen. I never did it again."

Where Elliot's heart had already been aching for her, it now broke completely. As a father of four, he and Kathy had been wakened quite a few times by the sight of one or more of their beaming children standing beside the bed with some kind of breakfast concoction. The culinary results usually ranged from not bad to totally inedible, at least in the early years, and the kitchen was often destroyed by the attempts but the love he had seen in their eyes and their pride in their gift was priceless. Neither parent would have ever dreamed of doing anything but eating the food, forcing it down if necessary, and praising the child. Often they had all ended up snuggled in the bed together, watching cartoons and laughing. Olivia hadn't had that. Tears gathered in his own eyes at her loss, and the grief he originally felt for a partner and dear friend deepened as the father in him sought to comfort the crying child in her. One hand remained in hers but the other now moved to begin softly stroking her hair.

"It wasn't all bad. There were times that were good, like the movies. I guess that's why I love all the old black and whites. It was something we could do together once in a while. And she could be charming when she was drinking, sometimes. She loved her job too, and was good at it. She spent a lot of time there, another way to get out of the house I guess."

"Liv, did she ever hit you?" He hated to ask the question, afraid of what the answer might be.

"No," she turned sideways on the couch so she could look at him. "No, El, it was never like that. It was more indifference than anything."

Which he knew could wound just as much, the scars were simply more hidden.

"She just wasn't there. She buried herself in her work or the booze and she wasn't there. I watched Kathy with your girls the other night and realized again that my mother and I never had what they have, that easy connection and simple joy of just being together. Even the times that we were happy, all the other stuff was there below the surface, waiting to come out again.

"It got easier as I got older, or at least after I moved into the dorms. Not having to see each other every day made the pressure less. I guess not having to look at and take care of her rapist's final punishment was what she was searching for the entire time."

"Olivia, don't…you're not…"

"I know that, Elliot, or at least part of me does now. But that's how if felt at the time. And things did get better between us. She was OK about me becoming a cop. Not thrilled but OK. She hated it when I joined SVU though. She just never could understand why. We fought about it a lot."

For a while they simply sat there. Olivia closed her eyes again, allowing Elliot's rhythmic movement through her hair to soothe her.

"Tell me a good memory."

Her eyes remained closed as she thought about it for a minute but finally a small smile played across her mouth. Keeping them closed she let the memory play.

"I was in high school and one weekend there was this huge snowstorm. It shut the city down. Usually Mom would get antsy; she needed to be doing something, going someplace. But this time – I don't know, maybe it was the magic of the snow. For as far as we could see from the apartment windows there was just all this snow. Nothing was moving except the snow that kept falling. We ended up spending the entire day inside. We stayed in our pajamas and curled up on the couch with blankets and popcorn and chocolate. And we watched movies all day long. I think we even painted each other's toenails. It was the best day."

She didn't even realize she had started crying until Elliot moved his hand from her hair to her cheek to wipe a tear away. Opening her eyes at the touch she raised her wet eyes to his. He smiled sadly at her and the tears in his eyes touched her.

"She loved me, Elliot. She hated me too, what I reminded her of. But she loved me." It was a statement but also a lifetime question.

"I know she did. She might not have done a very good job of showing you but she loved you." He gathered her into his arms, drawing her closer to him so her head came to rest on his shoulder, her hands on his chest. He could feel her trembling as well as the tears soaking through his shirt. "You are such a remarkable woman, Olivia. You've taken the pain in your life and turned it into something good for both yourself and the people around you. I'm proud to be your partner and honored to be your friend."

Olivia was so touched by his words she didn't even try to stop the new wave of tears. She had never heard Elliot talk about anyone like that before and the fact that he was doing it now, for her, was a balm to her wounded heart. Curling even closer to him she held onto his shirt and simply listened to the sound of his heart beating.

Eventually Elliot felt her begin to relax in his arms. The tears gradually stopped and her breathing became more even. Moving away just enough to be able to look at her face he saw that her eyes were closed and she was finally asleep. But even in sleep she still needed comforting. As her subconscious noted the change in position she mumbled something and grasped his shirt tighter. Closing the space between them again he rested his cheek on top of her hair and propped his feet on the coffee table. One hand cupped the back of her head as it rested on his chest while the other stroked gently up and down her arm. Olivia sighed in her sleep and settled against him again. She was safe.


	6. Chapter 6

During the Commercial - Taken Sometimes Even a Strong Woman Needs a Strong Shoulder 

Disclaimer: The characters are the property of Dick Wolf and company. I have just borrowed them for my own, and hopefully your, amusement.

Summary/Author's Note: "Taken" had a high and unfulfilled angst quotient surrounding the death of Olivia's mother. This is my attempt at filling it. Read, enjoy, and review. Thanks!

As light began to spill in through the windows, Olivia stirred and stretched in her bed. Pulling the covers tighter around herself she let her thoughts drift back to the previous evening. She fought back the initial embarrassment of breaking down in front of, and then all over, her partner. It would be OK. She could trust Elliot not to tell anyone else the things she told him, she was more worried that he would think less of her for not being able to handle it all.

She had slept in his arms for a long time, waking in the wee hours of the morning. He too must have fallen asleep but woke as soon as he had felt her move. She remembered mumbling something about them both getting better sleep if they could stretch out. Looking back now she knew that to be a lie, she had been sleeping just fine where she was. But at the time it had seemed important. He had given her a small smile and stood, pulling her up with him. He even walked her over to the bedroom area, wished her good night, and kissed her lightly on her forehead. It was much as she would expect him doing with one of his kids as he sent them off to bed. That was the last thought was in her head as she crawled into bed and listened to Elliot settling back in on the couch. Drifting off to sleep again she couldn't remember a time she had felt so cherished.

She was trying to hold onto that feeling now as she faced the bright light of day. Taking a deep breath, she pushed back the covers and sat on the edge of the bed, for the first time she hearing the sounds of movement in the outer room. Getting up, she padded barefoot out toward the kitchen but stopped to watch the man there. Elliot faced away from her, working at something on the kitchen counter, and he obviously had been up for a while. His hair appeared damp and he was already dressed for the day in black slacks with a tan dress shirt. His sleeves were rolled up as he worked and she could see his suit jacket and tie draped over the back of one of her chairs.

"Good morning," she said quietly.

Turning around at her voice he smiled at her, "good morning, yourself. How did you sleep?"

She was relieved not to see pity in his eyes, just a friend's gentle concern. "Good, thanks. How long have you been up?"

"A while, I was trying to keep it down. I hope I didn't wake you?"

"You didn't. But what are you doing?"

"I thought it would be easier to have breakfast here before heading to the funeral home. Or we can go out if you prefer. You're calling the shots today."

No, here's good. I don't know what I have though."

"Well, I took a quick look through your fridge. And while it was noticeably lacking in most anything resembling food I was able to find a few things. It's not going to be Elliot's Egg Extravaganza as Dickie likes to call it but it's food."

"Sounds great." She knew he was trying to keep everything normal and silently thanked him for it. That thanks grew as he poured a cup of fresh coffee and put it in her outstretched hands.

"Breakfast is going to take some time so if you want to go ahead and shower?"

"Yeah, I guess I should get ready."

"Munch and Fin are going to meet us at the funeral home, right?"

"Yes. Mallory wanted us there at least an hour before we needed to be at the cemetery." She turned toward the bathroom but then turned back, there was something she needed to say.

"Elliot?"

He had moved back to the counter but looked up to meet her eyes. "Hmm?"

"About last night…I…"

"Liv, last night was just between us, OK? Everything you said stays there."

"I know that. I just wanted to say thank you."

He came to stand in front of her again. "You don't have to thank me, Olivia. I'm your partner, aren't I? That means I've got your back, both physical and emotional, just like I know you've got mine. And leaning on each other once in a while doesn't make us weak. It just makes us human."

She laid her hand on his arm, quietly saying "thank you." Then, letting her hand drop, she went into the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

The graveside service was a simple one. The group gathered was smaller than the night before but Olivia was moved again by the number of those who had come. Kathy and the kids were there as well as other friends and coworkers. And once Elliot, Munch, and Fin had solemnly performed their duties all three men had moved to flank her.

As she listened to the words being, spoken her eyes riveted to the casket, all of her senses seemed heightened somehow. She could feel the light chill in the air and was thankful she had worn her long black coat over her dress. She heard someone sniffle behind her though she couldn't tell who it was. And she could smell the fragrance of the calla lilies she held in her hands. Her mother had loved them so she and Elliot had picked up a bouquet after they left her apartment that morning.

Finally it was over, all the words had been said. She took a couple of steps forward to lay the flowers on top of the casket, briefly resting her hand flat on the lid before backing up again. She felt Elliot's hand on her shoulder and then heard the sound of bagpipes. That brought her head up, as it wasn't something she had arranged with Mr. Mallory. Looking at him though she saw only simple appreciation, the same with Kathy and Elliot. But she caught a look exchanged between Munch and Fin and knew that this was their gift to her.

The other mourners began to file past, stopping to offer a simple touch of the hand or last condolence. But eventually she was the last one there, even Elliot and the others had moved away to give her some time alone. Saying a final good-bye she turned and slowly walked to them. Munch and Fin again expressed their support but needed to immediately head back to the stationhouse. She thanked them for coming and for the music and they hurried off.

"You ready?" Elliot asked quietly. She nodded.

"What are your plans this afternoon, Olivia? I need to get the kids to school but if you wanted to get some lunch or come by the house…"

"Thanks, Kathy, but I need to go back to the funeral home to pick up some things and finalize everything. And then I need to go into work." She smiled down at Dickie as he stood beside her, he was definitely his father's son.

"Olivia, are you sure…"

She looked up when Kathy stopped talking and caught Elliot shaking his head at his wife.

"Kathy, I'll be fine. I just need to keep busy right now."

"All right. But call me if you change your mind. And you are going to come to dinner soon, I insist."

"I will. Soon."

Kathy embraced her, holding on for a moment before releasing her to turn and give Elliot a kiss. Each of the kids said their good-byes as well. Olivia hugged each of them, Kathleen for just a bit longer than the rest as she remembered the young girl's words about family. Elliot told Kathy he would call her for a ride when he was done for the day and then mother and children hurried away.

A sound behind her made Olivia turn around. She watched as workers began to lower the casket into the ground.

Elliot watched her from a few steps behind. He had hoped she would take some time off and give herself a chance to grieve and deal with her loss but he understood why she couldn't, especially after last night. Her desire to work wasn't just an avoidance ploy; it was a personal mission. It had been a motivator her entire career and it hadn't changed with her mother's death, in fact he had a feeling it was even stronger now. She wanted, no needed, to make right for others what never had been able to be righted for Serena. Or, when she couldn't make it right, at least try to make it better.

He moved up to stand with her, taking her hand in his. For a few minutes they stood there in silence, looking on as the workers finished with the machinery and picked up shovels. He felt her squeeze his hand and tightened his own grip in response.

"Liv?" Meeting her eyes he saw her reined-in grief but also her inherent strength.

"I'm OK, Elliot."

"Ready to get to work?"

She nodded in response and he released her hand.

Side by side they walked back into the fight.


End file.
